Happy Passover! MATZAH, BABY!

A BLESSED PASSOVER to my special dearest friend DTB with additional props to JE and ID.

This video (from our friends at JibJab.com) is dedicated to you, baby. IT'S MATZAH! Click on the image below:

The new face of WENDY'S

Here she is:


The chili-finger-dipping grifter is getting charged with grand larceny after opening her fat trap to random bystanders:

Chili-Finger Accuser Also Charged In Other Case (AP)

SAN FRANCISCO -- Police still don't know where the finger in the chili came from, but the woman who reported it can be found -- in jail.

I'm surprised that she isn't involved with the Michael Jackson case.

Personally I think that they should dress the skank up like Wendy (as illustrated below):

Then throw her into the slammer so she could become someone's "bitch". She would have a broomhandle up her twat faster than you could say "Value Meal Number 1, please".

As for the finger.... uhm, I'd just put it in a jar of formaldehyde and put it on display in the Smithsonian next to Archie Bunker's chair and Mr. Rogers' cardigan sweater. It definitely needs to be elevated to pop culture status.

I wonder if they would put it up on eBay?

Bad Hair Day Customer Gets Even

It happens to all of us. A Bad Hair Day...a bad cut coming out of the salon. This chickie took justice into her own hands. Read on:

Woman Accused Of Holding Up Salon After Bad Haircut (AP)

RICHLAND, Wash. -- Police say a woman unhappy with her haircut held up a hair salon in Richland and shot out the window of her stylist's car.

She was seriously pissed. Serrusly:

(hee hee... God, I love that pic...)

YodaBeesh's Lesbian Blogging Counterpart?

So I actually got a random comment this morning in regards to my highly-controversial piece entitled: "Interview with a Lesbian: (or Everything You Wanted to Know About Lesbian Sex But Were Afraid To Ask)" from "OutGrrrl".

Anyhow, I am facilitating contact AS WE SPEAK between her and Rina120.

Check out OutGrrrl's blog... its pretty funny:

http://21stcenturydyke.blogspot.com/

Ok... time to go see the quack for refills! TTYL!

Wendy's-Finger-Chick: ARRESTED!

YodaBeesh does have to say that the whole story was fishy to begin with, so I suppose it was just a matter of time that the b*tch was exposed:

Woman who found finger arrested Police raid Vegas home of Wendy's diner who claimed bowl of chili was tainted (SFGate)


Though it still leads one to ask: "Who's fcuking finger was it anyways?!?!?"


(Not the actual "Wendy's" finger...)

I do have to say that I kinda wished that the story was true. It was just too weird, knowing that someone out there has a missing finger tip and wasn't coming forward. I had a whole story in my mind that it was probably some illegal alien working in the chili factory who was too afraid to come forward for fear of deportation.

Wow... that would have made SUCH a great made-for-tv movie.

The ending to the story: the illegal alien is granted amnesty by the President (yeah right), the "finder" gets a mass out-of-court settlement from Wendy's, and then everyone is reunited at a White House Press Conference with silver chaffing dishes carted out by Karl Rove. The lids are removed, and the room fills with laughter from the press. Camera pans in on the chaffing dish: Chili. Oh, and the finger is miraculously reattached to the now-legal alien since it was kept alive all this time with stem cells.

Worst Baby Names EVER

Yet another CNN-inspired posting (YB sidenote: I really do like Carol Costello on CNN Daybreak...).




So some dude released "The Worst Baby Book Ever" (dude = David Narter). I did a little web-snooping of my own and found some cool Worst Baby Name links to waste away your day.

For instance... could you imagine being named "Aryan Justice"? I sh*t you not. Check it out on this hospital web release. Boy, that kid is going to be so fcuked on the playground. Hey Aryan, a word of advice... change your name to "Jim" or "Greg". Also divorce your parents.

This site if funny too: NotWithoutMyHandBag.com. Here is a sample:

I like the name Tegwin for my third child. My two children have uncommon names that are easy to pronounce and spell. I am compelled to use something original...ideas???

Yes. Jump off a bridge. Your kid sounds like an elfin creature in a Tolkein book.

My take on things: Baby-naming has some kind of bizzare inter-parental competition (who can have the most unique variation on a cooly-perceived name?) among silly breeders.

A word of advice to my breeder readers: Please, don't fcuk with your kids' futures by painting a target on their birth certificates. I would love to hear what goes through these breeders' minds when they go through the decision-making process.... sounds like a potential "Everything You Wanted To Know...!"

Spanish Parliament Gives Approval to Bill to Legalize Same-Sex Marriages

I woke up to this news on CNN this morning. Spain is SUCH a beautiful country with beautiful people. Granted, MaddyBeesh and I have only been to the Canary Islands repeatedly... but that's still Spain! Viva l'Espana!

MADRID, April 21 - The Spanish Parliament approved a bill on Thursday that would allow same-sex couples to marry, a critical step toward making Spain's laws on marriage among the most liberal in Europe.

Spanish Parliament Gives Approval to Bill to Legalize Same-Sex Marriages (NYT)

The irony of it all is that Spain is 94% CATHOLIC. Wassup wit' dat? Go figure.

YODABEESH NEEDS YOU: Responses!

RB and I received this kind response from KMK. Wonderful ideas...

I’m hopeful this helps…...my first reaction was “this is a battle, RB, that you cannot possibly win.” So, I thought the best thing for you to do is simply move your current dwelling to a place where it might prove difficult for those pesky dogs. Here, I’ve taken a current photo of your place and super-imposed it on a shot of the Potomac. You can still maintain a DC address.

Another option, might be to hire a former colleague of mine from my CIA days…..I know her as “Hell-OH! Kitty.” She’s got good aim—she doesn’t discriminate. All my love, (KMK)

Please, keep the ideas coming! There may be other sufferers of this horrible issue that can put these ideas into play!

YodaBeesh to KMK: Great job! Your ingenuity makes me wonder why you ever left your PR firm at Melrose Place. Society needs more people like you. You definitely know how to think "outside the box".

Your YODABEESH NEEDS YOU!

Gentle readers:

RB (aka "city-dweller") has just informed me that he has been having some serious problems with dogs defecating in his yard and tree and people tossing their trash there, as well. The poor thing is so distraught and sought the advice from YodaBeesh.



My suggestion was to hide in the bushes and hose the perpetrators down like so:



But this advice comes from a suburbanite who has a fascist home owners association that violently punishes offenders, anyways.

Anyhow, RB and I would be delighted to hear of suggestions from you, the masses. Bonus points goes to those for creativity.

Most Value-Added Website: Humanclock.com

I just came across this one by accident, but it is THE coolest concept.

If you ever want to know what time it is, or if you're like me and obsessively unsure if your watch/computer clock is correct check out http://www.humanclock.com.

Example: when I began writing this specific blog, it was 08:18 AM. So I go to this guy's site, click on View Clock, and here's what I get:


FCUKING SWEET. Its a different picture for every minute of the day and rarely does it repeat pictures. I wanna be his new best friend.

Go check it out... NOW.

THAT'S JUST WRONG: Do the Schaivo...!

"Do the Schaivo...!" (this is meant to be sung to the tune of "Do the Hustle")

Puppy sent me this link and I had many mixed emotions from "Horrry sh*t!" to "OMG That is SO WRONG" to "ROFL".

So obviously, this qualified as blog-posting material

A small sampling here, but make sure to click the link on the bottom to the AmandaEgge.com website if you just can't get enough of our beloved Terri Schaivo! She's post-humously amassed quite a following (though technically one could say she was dead 12 years ago, right?)


http://www.amandaegge.com/schiavo.htm

Fcuk you, Darth Vader!

And now a personal message from YodaBeesh to Darth Vader:

Darth... looks like your agent has been doing some serious legwork for you. Now your own Mr. Potatohead from HASBRO?!

NEW YORK -- Hasbro, Inc.'s Playskool division is launching a new Mr. Potato Head figure, Darth Tater. Available at stores nationwide in February, kids will be able to have all kinds of mix 'n match Mr. Potato Head fun with this wacky spud dressed as the infamous Star Wars saga villain, Darth Vader. (01/17/05 AP Photo/Hasbro, Inc., HO)

I don't know whether I should destroy you (again) or just get a new agent. What's the name of that agent of yours? Do you think we could try some co-branding? A reunion of sorts among Jedi Knights? I promise not to tell Luke and Obi.

No Sh*t!: Woman Survives Five Days Trapped In Bath Tub

This almost made me lose my breakfast (luckily I don't eat breakfast...)

Woman Survives Five Days Trapped In Bath Tub (AP)
HAMPTON, Va. -- A 75-year-old woman who lay trapped in her bathtub for five days toasted her rescue with a Coke and a cigarette.

The sad thing is that this is not the first time that the poor lamb has found herself stuck in the tub. At her doctor's insistence, she has started to practice "getting up" on her own. Observe:



Wonderful progress, sweetheart! Keep up the hard work, and keep on suckin' down those Parliaments! You'll be home with Jesus in no time at all!

A Moment of Personal Disclosure....

As of yesterday, Yodabeesh has made a huge life-altering change to his everyday life.

My dentist gave me my new retainer. This is the first time I've worn a retainer since I was a young Jedi Knight. As that was eons ago, my teeth have shifted. Observe:




Not a pretty sight. So much for the initial thousands of dollars of orthodontia invested by my dad when I was in high school.

I have to wear the retainer 24/7...ugh. Now I'm talking like Cindy Brady... (I could only hope to look as beautiful)


I'm practicing tongue-twisters to get rid of the cindy-esque lisp.

"Sally sells seashells by the seashore... Sally sells seashells by the seashore..."

Tips from The Onion: Preparing a Living Will

That fountain of practical knowledge, The Onion, has done it again. This time they are providing great tips on how to prepare your living will... read on!

The Onion presents: Preparing a Living Will

Chess Champion Beaten (Literally)....

Shout out to Rina120 for sending this posting my way:

MOSCOW - Garry Kasparov, the world's former No. 1 chess player who quit the professional game last month to focus on politics, said Saturday he had been hit over the head with a chessboard in a politically motivated attack.
Read on: Kasparov Hit Over Head With Chessboard (AP)

Say it! Say it! CHECKMATE, BITCH!

Being a chess afficianado, myself, YodaBeesh has followed up with Garry to check his condition. Kasparov is slightly bruised, yet in good spirits (see below). All of us here at the YodaBeesh office sends their best wishes to Garry for a speedy recovery!

How NOT to cross the border...!

¡ ¡ ¡Madre de Dios!!! ¡No mas! ¡No mas! ¡No tengo ningún caramelo!*

According to the AP:

SAN YSIDRO, Calif. -- This image, released by the U.S. Border Patrol, shows the legs of a 5-year-old girl inside a party pinata that was discovered on Nov. 2, 2004 during a vehicle search at the San Ysidro, Calif., border station crossing along the U.S.-Mexican border. (04/05/05 AP photo)

What they failed to report was that the US Border Patrol strung the young PowerPuff Girl up to a tree and beat her repeatedly with broomsticks to see if there was any hidden contraband (candy and prizes). The agents were left empty-handed except for the bloodied corpse of the young "May-hee-can" beaten to a pulp.

*translated from Spanish: "Mother of God! No more! No more! I don't have any candy!"