Saturday's Food for Thought

Fortune cookies are fun. I love the little anectodes and quotes dished out after a full meal of lo mein and mu-shu pork. Who knew that those lucky numbers printed on the back actually had some value to them...

Fortune Cookies Bring Lottery Fortunes AP 05132005

AOL-TW effs up again

So get this... yesterday, I receive this "personalized" letter in the mail from TimeWarner's SVP and Chief Security Officer apologizing for losing my personal data. In case you haven't heard, they lost data on over 600,000 past/present employees (this includes our precious SSNs...):

Time Warner Reports Loss of Personal Data on 600,000 Employees (WP 05032005)

Personal disclosure: I used to work for AOL. It was not a pleasant experience for me and led me to pull a "Chappelle" (see previous posting). After years of Jedi training (meds and therapy) I have made a full recovery and moved on with my life. Now this news rips open what was once a well-healed scar. Such is life. I really hope someone isn't using my SSN because that is absolutely the LAST thing that I need.

Anyhow, I thought that I'd share the content of the letter with you. Larry Cockell, the Chief Security Officer, has posted it online at the Time Warner website:

Statement on Lost Data Tapes - Employee Letter TW 05022005

I'm just waiting now to receive mail re. a class action lawsuit against TW (fingers-crossed!). I'd probably wind up getting free lifetime subscriptions to any TW publication...sigh.

America's Fag Hag = Margaret Cho

So get this, DH, myself and a few of our friends are going to see Margaret Cho at the Warner to see her "Assassin" Tour. Oh, I love this girl. It promises to be a good time.

I found it quite interesting that even the Washington Times allowed space for a write up on the girl! But hey, maybe its a Korean thing... isn't WT owned by Rev. Moon (of the moonies)? That's cool if he's giving props to his fellow Koreans.

Cho's liberal dose of wit (WT 05132005)

Missing = Dave Chappelle

Now this really makes me sad... the po' boy has lost it. And I mean, he has SO lost it that he checked himself into a sanitarium in (of all places) SOUTH AFRICA. Talk about getting away from it all. I don't blame him.

Chappelle Reportedly Checks Into Facility (WP 05112005)

Message to Dave: "Dude, I totally empathize with you... serrusly. I went crazy myself and it was not fun. Load up on the meds and therapy and you'll be a new man in no time (well, maybe in a few years). PEACE!"

I'm BACK, B-YOTCH!

Hey buoys and gulls! Yet again, swamped by work this past week (sigh) Sorry for the disapperance. Anyways, back to blogging...

Deputy Sues Florida Hospital After Being Injected With Glitter

OK... one last fcuked up posting for the morning. I couldn't resist this one.

Deputy Sues Florida Hospital After Being Injected With Glitter (AP 05092005)

ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. -- An undercover Orange County deputy says he went to Florida Hospital for a shot of pain medication, but instead the syringe was filled with glitter, the kind used in makeup.

Some questions I have for the healthcare providers:

1. How the fcuk do you mix up a bottle of GLITTER with painkillers (unless you may be tripping on said painkillers...)?
2. Uhhm... why do you have glitter in a pre-surg suite? Enlighten me.

YB message to the guard: It must be asked -- do you shoot glitter out your a**? JK. I hope that you win TONS of money for this. Having glitter circulating in your system cannot be good for one's health. If your a** still hurts, try taking some oxycontin instead of that wussy demerol crap.

Woman Gets $45,000 Verdict After Dog Kills Cat

I came across this one this morning and it struck a chord with YB.

Woman Gets $45,000 Verdict After Dog Kills Cat (AP 05092005)

SEATTLE -- A Seattle man calls a $45,000 verdict against him and his dog "absolutely crazy."

Let's just say that many moons ago, I used to have a cat and dog that lived together in peace (somewhat). Anywhoie, one morning, I woke up to a cat without a tail (he was still alive). Apparently, the dog bit off and ate the cat's tail (which the dog subsequently pooped out.) After hundreds of dollars of vet bills, the cat is ok. He now lives safely with my dad in Philly. We still have the dog, Mirko, and have forgiven him of all trespasses.

Runaway Bride Toast Seller Gets Burned

A follow up to a previous posting re. the guy that tried to cash in on the Runaway Bride carving on a piece of toast on eBay. Looks like he's the one that's toasted. The winner of the auction has d**ked the seller over.
Runaway Bride Toast Seller Gets Burned (AP 05092005)

Nursing Dog Saves Abandoned Baby In Kenya

Now here's a story to pull at your heart strings:

Actual dog (sans baby)

Nursing Dog Saves Abandoned Baby In Kenya (AP 05102005)

NAIROBI, Kenya -- Witnesses said a dog with puppies saved the life of an abandoned newborn baby in Kenya.

Personally, I found the headline to be misleading. There was no mention nor pictures of said-dog actually nursing the infant (that would be very cool). I hope that they didn't destroy, beat, or eat the dog afterwards. Good girl!!

Jesus Christ In Legal Battle For W.Va. Driver's License

Looks like Jesus is still being persecuted. This time in WV:

Jesus Christ In Legal Battle For W.Va. Driver's License (AP 05092005)

CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- Jesus Christ is hoping to move to West Virginia, but he's having trouble getting a driver's license.

Sorry, Jesus. Looks like you're getting a thumbs down :-(

It's BEWITCHED, bee-yotch!

Courtesy of our friends at WP:
'Bewitched' Statue Bothers Some In Salem (WP 05102005)

Executives at TV Land surely expected gracious applause when they announced plans for a bronze statue of Samantha Stephens in "Bewitched." And why not...?

Well, it seems like the residents of Salem, Mass weren't too pleased about the idea. And I quote:

"It's like TV Land going to Auschwitz and proposing to erect a statue of Colonel Klink," says John Carr, a former member of the Salem Historic District Commission. "Putting this statue in the park near the church where this all happened, it trivializes the execution of 19 people."

YB's take: Hey, people of Salem... somehow I doubt that tourism is booming in your lil' podunk town. By establishing your town (which happened to kill a few witches) with a pop-culture icon like Samantha Stevens... well, you can't GO WRONG. I love Bewitched. Think of all the tchotchkies you can pawn off to the tourists! Capitalism, baby. Capitalism.

(twinkle-twinkle-twinkle!)

HRC: SEN. KERRY OUT OF STEP WITH MASS. VOTERS ON MARRIAGE EQUALITY

And here we thought that John Kerry had vanished into the mists of time. Dumb Ass.

HRC: SEN. KERRY OUT OF STEP WITH MASS. VOTERS ON MARRIAGE EQUALITY

WASHINGTON – The Human Rights Campaign denounced the statements of Sen. John Kerry yesterday, who called the decision of the Massachusetts Democratic Party adding support to its platform for same-sex marriage equality “a mistake.”

Additional blistering commentary is available from our friends at AmericaBlog.com.

Teresa seriously needs to give John John a bitch-slap. Serrusly. Then toss him in a ketchup vat. And then Howard Dean can drag you out of the ketchup vat and sucka punch you back in.


Please go back to your water-skiing or whatever you are doing this summer.

Gay and Straight Men React Differently to Sexual Odors

I tried to find a funny pic to go with this article, but gave up (sorry).

Anyhow, this particular article caught my eye as NYT felt this study was important enough to put on its homepage (right below the story about "Putin Honors Soviet War Sacrifices.") So in a way, its kind of pathetic and reaching for filler.

Gay and Straight Men React Differently to Sexual Odors (NYT 05092005)

This quote from the article kinda struck me:

Dr. Catherine Dulac, a Harvard University biologist who studies pheromones in mice, said that if a chemical modified the function of the hypothalamus, that might be sufficient to regard it as a pheromone. She said the Swedish study was extremely interesting, even though "humans are a terrible experimental subject," but noted the researchers had used a far higher dose of the armpit chemical than anyone would be exposed to in normal life.

I wonder if the researchers went to the Black Party this year as well? Serrusly... some guys are really into that sweaty stuff!

(Ok, I was able to find a pic!)

Everyone loves a Tranny Pageant...!

I thought to myself this morning, "wow, the news really sucks," but you know what... I'M GLAD. There is no sensationalistic news (I wouldn't even consider the Jackson Case being newsworthy since its so boring) these days since that horrid Schaivo-Pope-NewPope-AmericanIdol period of time. Thank God for that. So let's focus on some really cool stuff.


Transvestites Glitter at Thailand Pageant (AP 05082005)

PATTAYA, Thailand - At the Miss Tiffany Universe pageant — which boasts dozens of gorgeous, lithe, smooth-skinned contestants — one thing is undeniable: Thailand turns out some of the most beautiful transvestites and transsexuals in the world.

Observation 1: I'm glad that Pattaya has recovered (kinda) from the tsunami!

Observation 2: I've had this discussion with KMK before... everyone needs a "tranny act." For instance, if I did drag, I'd dress up like Kylie Minogue from her "Can't Get You Out of My Head Video" with the beautiful white tunic and heels, and perform to that same song. It would be really hot. I'm a huge Kylie fan, and can pull off all the moves.

YodaBeesh's Book Club: We Wish To Inform You...

Let me preface this posting: I read stuff. My tastes are all over the place, though you won't find me hanging out at Oprah's Book Club Section at the local B&N.

So I'll start my own YodaBeesh Summer Reading Club.

(Did you every have to do summer reading for high school? We were assigned 3 books each summer and tested on the first day back to school. It sucked being forced to read over the summer, but hey, I wouldn't have read the Narnia series, Hitchhiker's Guide, and other cool books)

The latest selection: We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will be Killed With Our Families: Stories from Rwanda by Philip Gourevitch



I just finished the book today as I spent all day at home nursing a hangover. Anyhow, great, easy-to-read, and very graphic book about the genocide in Rwanda in the Spring of 1994. Its pretty gruesome, and a damn shame that no one did anything but watch it unfold on the news. Tsk tsk.

The recent movie Hotel Rwanda was derived from stories in this book. I can go see the movie now that I've finished reading the book.

Estimated reading time: I think I did this in 2 weeks, mostly reading it on the elliptical at the gym, plus one full day of doing nothing at all today except reading.

I have a couple of books that I need to plow through over the next week:
The Flight of the Creative Class: The New Global Competition for Talent by Richard Florida

and

Oracle Database 10g PL/SQL 101 (101) by Christopher Allen

Uhhmm.... the latter is not what I would call recreational reading, but if you need to learn SQL on the fly, its not too bad! The former book is reading for a book club that I belong to. The author is a professor from my alma mater and I was gonna see him speak at Politics and Prose next weekend (truly the geek in me). Reviews to follow...

More fingers in the news...

What is it with fingers in the news, huh?


First, an update with the Wendy's Finger Chick:
Woman In Wendy's Finger Case Taken To California To Face Charges (AP 05062005)

LAS VEGAS -- The woman arrested after she said she found a human finger in a bowl of Wendy's chili was transferred Friday to California to face charges that her claim was a hoax.

And now this:

Customer Who Found Finger Refused To Return It To Be Reattached (AP 05062005)

RALEIGH, N.C. -- A man who found a fingertip in his frozen custard is refusing to return it to the shop worker who lost it in a custard machine accident.

The article goes on later to say that "It's the second time in less than a year that a Kohl's worker has lost a finger in the same frozen custard machine. "

WTF are they using to make custard?! A lunch meat slicer? A sausage grinder? Please enlighten me.

Secondly... message to customer: give the guy his f**king FINGER back. For the love of GOD. We get the point... you can SUE.