Day 32 - Return to USA and a Final Note on Mom

Right now, I'm sitting in the lounge in MNL airport waiting for my 10pm flight.... just 4 more hours to go (its 6pm now.)

I'm ready to come home, but have so many mixed emotions right now.

I did not talk to my mom or family in Cabanatuan for the entire week. This was my week to get R&R. I even joked with friends in Boracay that this week was my vacation from my family.

Since I had so much time to kill in MNL airport tonight, I figured that I'd call mom to see how her week went... how was her Monday appt with Dr. B,... let her know that I had a good time in Boracay and that I was safe and sound.

Ugh. I feel like the past 4 weeks have completely UNRAVELLED.

(To set the stage, Tess was to bring mom to Dr. B's office in Cabanatuan this past Monday so that she could get her Risperdal injection. I was in Boracay at this point and left the rest in Tess' hands. Recall my previous posting about the first meeting with Dr. B.... I don't remember what day that was... but I felt very positive about it... that this would all work out.)

I called the house and first spoke with my Auntie Margie.

Mom didn't go to Dr. B. Instead, this past Monday, she decided that she would make Jojo and Tess take her (without any prior notice) to Manila so that she could get her injection from her old psychiatrist, Dr. R.

It was a clusterf**k as nobody (including the doctor) was prepared for this. Everyone was caught with their pants down. Even Dr. R had university lectures and his own appointments. Tess was prepared to take mom to a 9am appointment in Cabanatuan... not take her 100km to get the injection from the old doctor.

When mom et al arrived in MNL, Dr. R was not there. His assistant paged him to come to the office, and he administered the injection.

At least she got her injection.

Auntie Margie put mom on the phone.

I made the initial friendly chit-chat: "how was your week, how are you feeling." Then I asked, "So I heard that you went to Manila for your injection?"

"Yes, it was ok."

"I thought that you liked Dr. B and that you wouldn't have to go to Manila anymore. I wanted to save you the trips."

"No, its alright. My next appointment is on September 11."

I thought to myself, "what an appropriate day."

She prattled on... "When are you coming home? Why don't you come back in December...?"

I was irritated, but remained cool. "That's too early... I will try for mid-to-end of January. Is that ok?"

"Ok. Tell Maria and Ann to call me sometime, ok?" She would never refer to my sisters as Mylah and Janice... always "Maria" (Mylah's proper first name) and "Ann" (Janice's middle name.) She calls me "Alexander" (my middle name.) Not sure what that is all about.

"I will, but you have to write me letters too. I'll call you when I get home."

"Ok."
________________

I'm feeling angry, pissed, and just want to lose it. And now I get to spend the next 18+ hours of travel FESTERING over this.

I have no one to vent to right now, except this blog.

What the f**k has happened over the past month? Did anything sink into her? WTF?

And then I think, "what if I would have been there for that injection appointment instead of scuba diving in Boracay?" I would have never let the Manila fiasco happen. I would have sweet-talked and massaged the situation so that she would WANT to get that injection from Dr. B instead of travelling 4 hours to Manila to Dr. R.

Is she acting out against me? Is this what I get for leaving and not staying?

ARRRGHHHHH!

God, I need a clonopin or xanax right now. I wish that the airport lounge had a punching bag so I could just let loose. I am pretty angry. Frustrated. Mad. All those nice "feeling" words.

So much for ending on a happy note.

F**k.

I know I need to just settle down and process this. I just get to do it at 32,000 feet in a flying tin-can.