UPDATE: Leopard attack is NOT RELATED to Wendy's Chili!

We can all sleep a little bit easier tonight because according the the AP:

LAS VEGAS -- Authorities investigating the origin of a finger found in a California bowl of fast-food chili said Thursday they have uncovered no link to a Nevada leopard attack that cost a woman part of her index finger.

Read on:
Authorities: No Link Between Leopard Attack, Finger In Chili

YodaBeesh doesn't quite know where to start with this story. What's more fcuked up? The fact that they were attempting to correlate a "leopard attack" with the finger in the Wendy's chili, or the fact that the doctors who were treating the leopard-attacked victim lost her finger:

She said she last saw her fingertip packed in ice in a Las Vegas
emergency room. Doctors told her it could not be reattached, and she does not
know what happened to it after that, lawyer Philip Sheldon said.

Just in case you happen to recognize the finger, I've posted the pic below. I have no clue as to WTF that thing is on the left:

I honestly did not even know that leopards lived in Nevada. Will wonders never cease?! We will definitely keep an eye on this story!

The New Meaning of the iPod: "Please Steal Me"

I saw this on the splash page of WashingtonPost.com and thought to myself, "well its about fcuking time...!"

IPod Devotees Rocked by Thefts (WP)
Victims of Growing Crime In Area Say Loss of Playlist Makes Them Feel Violated

People wear an iPod like it is some kind of bizzare status symbol... On a recent trip to NYC EVERYONE on the street had white earbuds snaking out from their coats to their ears. Its advertising: "Please mug me because I have a $400 piece of equipment on my person..."

I know that personally, I've been tempted many times to beat the crap out of random strangers with the white earplugs to see what all the fuss is about. I HAVE TO roll my eyes when I to go to the gym and see all these Stepford-iPod users marching in unison on the elliptical trainers.

Gimme your fcuking iPod, you goddamn trendy bitch!

YodaBeesh has not caved into the iPod craze for his own personal reasons. I just have issues with getting trapped into proprietary music formats that are not compatible with other players. I digress.

Do yourselves a favor: Get a different set of earplugs, ok? Like, DUH!

Oops! My Bad! : Teen Backs Car Over Mother While Practicing How To Park

Apparently this car was not equipped with rear Park Assist sensors:

Teen Backs Car Over Mother While Practicing How To Park (AP)

MARLBORO, N.J. -- A 16-year-old girl who was practicing how to parallel park struck and killed her mother, authorities said.

Wow... this chick will need some SERIOUS therapy. Lucky for her, valet parking is becoming more and more popular at metropolitan malls. Like, serriously!

I'm not a whale, not yet a dolphin...

No folks, this isn't a new Britney Spears song (though she will be feeling like a whale in 4 or 5 months).

Don't you just love it when humans feel compelled to interbreed two species of mammals? Read on:

Part Whale, Part Dolphin, Baby Wholphin Born In Captivity (AP)

Why do people do this kind of sh*t to animals? No good can come of this. Don't you remember that episode of South Park when the kids had an elephant make love with a pig?

Dumbass of the Week: Teacher Resigns After Appearing In Blackface At Basketball Game

MACON, Ga. -- A high school teacher who wore blackface at a student-faculty basketball game has resigned, saying "it was poor judgment and will never happen again."

Teacher Resigns After Appearing In Blackface At Basketball Game (AP)

Wow. What a fcuking dumb-ass. I love his justification:

"I offer an apology to anybody I offended," Dougherty said Thursday. "My intent was never to offend. I was trying to generate laughter. It was poor judgment and will never happen again."

I could imagine the absolute silence in the gymnasium when he came out dressed like that (crickets in the background).

And here, I would expect sh*t like this from FLORIDA. Dumb-ass.

Modern Day Aesop's Fable

I found this article in this morning's New York Times. Its actually a pretty cool inspirational story (especially for people asking themselves "what the hell am I doing with my life?"):


One Millionaire's Strange Cry: Tickets, Please!

The moral of the story: Make sh*tloads of money, and then do whatever makes you happy.

Scott goes SPLAT and more inside talk from the Fat Farm!

This is what the Pillsbury Sausage Dough Boy is going to look like after he gets his ass voted off of American Idol (fingers crossed!)

So, as I had mentioned before, I joined a Scott_Savol Yahoo! Group to see what kind of people are supporting Orka the Whale. I'm beginning to regret joining as my inbox is constantly flooded with "vote for scott" or "I love scott" emails from his phat fan base . The price I pay for investigative journalism. Here are some quips from some of the emails:
__________________________________________________

Kel writes: "...I put in 150 votes last night in the first 45 minutes, then had to quit voting, duty called..."

Dear Kel: I feel bad for your parents if they are paying for your cellphone bill. Don't your pudgy digits get tired after texting repeatedly for an extended period of time, Kel? When you say that "duty called..." I'm assuming that you meant "doodie". Either that or the cops were banging at your door for another domestic disturbance. Good luck pinning all of your hopes and dreams on someone with a very short life expectancy!
__________________________________________________

Stephi wrote:
Ok ya'll one i am in florida (there are at least 25 people at work voting for him) I have been working my but off, so havent been able to post in a little while. I am still watching and voting though, voted all the way through tuesday night lines werent busy for me. i must of hit redial button on the phone at work and on my cell phone about 600 times each!!! i am still an avid fan of scott's and we all need to work together to keep him outta the bottom 3 these last couple of months or weeks however long the show is on for.

Also no one should be worried about this "charge" that scott HAD against him because it must not be too big of a matter he is a CORRECTIONAL FACILTY WORKER hello "criminals" cant work for the state in a facility like that anyways. We'll i got off at midnight and wanted to post but when i got home my electricity was off because of this stupid wind storm it is now 215 and power just came back on and still wanted to post because i wont be on till tuesday and figured let me show my support while i can and i now need to go to bed to be at work at 4am i am ready i have ym scott shirt on my scott watch and pillow cases and my scott cd, i am ready for my wonderful hour nap!!!

scott's loyalist fan,
stephanie

Dear Steph (or should I say "Staph"... as in "you fat wretched Staphylococcus infection"): Apparently grammar is not your strongest suit. I'm sorry that the power got cut off to your double-wide. Don't blame it on the wind, sweetheart. Its ok to admit that you're a little behind in paying the bills. We've all done it at some point (actually I take that back. I've never had my power shut off). Take some accountability for your life. Get out of your home-made Scott paraphenalia and focus on feeding your kids who are probably in foster care due to your negligence. And why is it that the whole state of Florida is so fcuked up these days?

Warmest Regards,
YodaBeesh

Strike! Bethesda and A Happy Birthday to RB

So I get this last-minute-Evite in my inbox over the weekend to celebrate RB's 35th birthday in style: Tuesday night bowling at Strike! Bethesda. I have to admit, I was skeptical for a number of reasons:

• Bowling is certainly not one of my strong points
• I have issues with the whole concept of bowling shoes and foot hygiene
• From past experience, all bowling alleys have this weird not-so-pleasant smell to them
• It was a school night (Tuesday)

For RB, I would forgo my issues. Besides, the laundry list of invitees ensured a good time (and it certainly was an enjoyable time!)

If you're ever in the mood to do some metrosexual bowling, Strike! Bethesda is certainly the place to go. Good food, even better cocktail menu, great clean atmosphere, pleasant staff, good music, and some seriously hi-tech bowling. I come from the old school where you'd have to actually do math to keep track of one's score. These days, its all AUTOMATED. What will they come up with next? The bowling shoes were tolerable as they all looked like last season's Steve Madden's. Plus, there wasn't a noticeable "funk" in the air.

I've seen this place on CNN numerous times, especially during the past election season, whenever they would need a sampling of metrosexual opinions on such hot topics as Social Security, Medicare, blahblahblah.

Anywhoie, it was a fun gaggle of friends, old and new, to celebrate another year of aging (like a fine wine) for our dear RB. Special Props to SB and CH for organizing the event.

Strike! Bethesda = highly recommended as a fun alternative activity (plus they have a stocked bar, which definitely adds value to any experience.).

Art Display pisses off Secret Service

Cool article this morning.... I saw it on ABCNews this morning.

CHICAGO Apr 12, 2005 — The Secret Service sent agents to investigate a college art gallery exhibit of mock postage stamps, one depicting President Bush with a gun pointed at his head.

Art Exhibit Featuring Bush Stamp Probed (AP)

Here's the piece of art that is pissing people off. Personally, I find it pretty witty! God Bless America for Freedom of Speech!

BRITNEY is PREGGERS!

And just to think that a couple of years ago, Brit was telling us, "I'm not a girl... not yet a woman..." Well, she has rapidly graduated to motherhood!

A special CONGRATULATIONS to Mr. and Mrs. Federline. I hope this gets you out of your current skanky 'ho' phase (a la Madonna).

I can't believe this news byte slipped by YodaBeesh, so a special shout out to one of my many roving reporters, SB.

Read on:

Spears Reveals Pregnancy on Her Web Site (AP)

EXCLUSIVE! Scott Savol: Childhood picture!

YodaBeesh has dug up this exclusive childhood picture of Scott Savol. Obesity truly is in one's genes (fcuking FAT ASS).

"YO! You gon' finish dose fries?" (pants heavily, gasps for air, yet uses remaining energy to reach for twin brother's extra large french fries...)

Maybe I should send him the DVD "Super Size Me"?

PS. I fully blame the parents for his repulsive obesity. First, they passed on their fat genes. Secondly, they obviously never disciplined his eating habits (nor his woman-beating habits...).

Kylie Minogue to quit after current tour?

For those of you who don't know YodaBeesh so well, I lovvvvvvve Kylie Minogue. So when PuppyBeesh forwarded this news to me, I really could not believe it. She'll either pull a "Cher" (make it a 2-3 year "goodbye" tour) or just take a hiatus. I'm thinking the latter. Read on:

Kylie Minogue to quit after current tour? (Femalefirst.co.uk)

BTW... if you haven't bought her latest greatest hits CD "Ultimate Kylie", then GET IT. If not, then I'll have to revoke your gay membership card.

TIVO ALERT: "30 Days" on FX!

This past year, I saw the coolest documentary: Super Size Me.



Perhaps you've heard about it or seen it, but if not, its a documentary about this guy that goes on a non-stop McDonalds diet (3 meals a day... and super-sized when asked) for 30 days. WOW. It was pretty nasty, and as a result, I stay away from McDonalds french fries (I still have the occasional weakness for a Quarter Pounder or those tasty McNuggets with Hot Mustard sauce....mmmmm).

I digress. The director, Morgan Spurlock (see above picture), is friends with the husband of one of my best friends, AZS, from college. Morgan has created a new series that is premiering on FX called "30 Days". In a statement from FX:

30 Days will place an individual in a different living environment for a month hoping to examine societal differences in America ranging from ethnic to religious to economic. Some examples may include a Christian living as Muslim, a rich person experiencing the environs of poverty, or a prosecuting attorney spending thirty days in jail.

Anyways, AZS' husband, DS, is the West Virginian Christian insurance salesman who lives with a Muslim family and community in Dearborn, MI for 30 Days. I am totally stoked to see DS on the boob-tube as I've been hearing about this project over the past year.

The show is set to premiere on June 15th on FX, and I think that DS' episode will be on June 22nd (all subject to change of course) so make sure to have your TiVO set!!!! I'll be sure to send out gentle reminders to all my faithful Jedi TiVO Knights out there.

If you see the FX teaser commercial for 30 Days, you'll catch a glimpse of DS as he flips off his Muslim family ;-) (Sweet!)

PS, Morgan, if you're reading this, I totally think that you should have won the Oscar. I can definitely identify a lot more with McDonalds than being born into a third world brothel. Best of Luck!

YodaBeesh's CountryWatch: Sierra Leone

Sierra Leone is yet another sh*tbox country in West Africa, best known for complete anarchy, lack of a strong central government, and for having crazy-as* rebels running around the country dressed up in wigs and dresses. These same rebels also love to chop off people's limbs with machetes and eat their hearts:


Blood and Guts, street-style!

Go figure. If you've ever heard the term blood diamonds... this is the home of them. Do you remember that episode of The Simpsons when they went to Africa, met Jane Goodall, and discovered that she was running a monkey-slave diamond mine? Well, it is a good metaphor for Sierra Leone's economy. Except, instead of Jane Goodall, think "hired mercenaries". And instead of monkeys, think "children and women". Oh, and it probably isn't quite as funny especially since most of the women and children have their limbs hacked off (see above graphic). Find out more by clicking here for the CIA Factbook on Sierra Leone.

What is my fascination with this backwater sh*thole? Well, I kinda want their government to completely collapse. And why would I want that? So I can buy this:

Its the Embassy of Sierra Leone on the corner of 19th and R St NW in DC. Some may look at it as a diplomatic safe haven for Sierra Leonese that live in the United States. I look at it and think "fixer-upper". I mean, HELLO... they obviously don't have CENTRAL AIR CONDITIONING (note the window AC units). What a poor fcuking country with such PRIME real estate.

And yes, I scaled the rooftops of Dupont to get that picture. I'm keeping the Embassy under careful surveillance. Hopefully their country will become so bankrupt that they will have to sell the property and open up a diplomatic office in SE DC instead. I think that I will pull an "Eric Cartman" and do whatever I can within my YodaBeesh power to topple the country of Sierra Leone in order to acquire their embassy. This will definitely require long-term strategizing.

Anyhow, this is definitely a country to watch! I wish that the Republic of Chad would fall apart as well... they have a nice brownstone across the street from the Starbucks on the corner of Connecticut and R St NW....

Why do you dislike Scott Savol?

This was another question among my enclave of Jedi Knights. The question of the day:

Why do you dislike Scott Savol?

Now, notice that I did NOT use the word "hate". To paraphrase Kathleen Turner (to Rikki Lake) from the movie Serial Mom: "Hate is a verrrrry strong word, Misty."

Here's why YodaBeesh dislikes Scott Savol:

• I find him to be physically repulsive (I wasn't even repulsed by Ruben... just the profuse sweating)
• He not only sweats profusely, but his complexion is OILY.
• His fingers remind me of vienna sausages
• I dislike wigger-wear. I don't get the whole baggy XXXXXL thing.
• I'm assuming that he has really bad body odor (because he sweats profusely). I find people with B.O. to be offensive. To me, that means that he has a proliferation of dead skin cells and bacteria just flourishing underneath all the folds of fat.

I'd love to hear from all of you!

The Scott Savol "It" Factor

So yesterday (and a beautiful day at that!), I was having brunch with the other Jedi Knights, and the topic of discussion (as always) turned to American Idol. The question on our minds was "How is it that Scott Savol has remained out of the bottom three and continues to amass this cult following?"

"Will somone please hand me a towel and some

Johnson & Johnson's baby powder? "(sweat pours down from Scott's oily cro-magnon brow...)

There were many possible theories shared over brunch, but I shall list out my own in a short, yet concise list:

1. He appeals to individuals with a Body Mass Index greater than 30 (read: obese and morbidly obese). There is indeed hope for them that they can be the next American Idol. Fact: the last Pop Idol (the UK version) was a Mama Cass look-alike. Big girls can belt it out too.
2. Abuse victims are attracted to him in the same way that battered women support their tormentors. They want to enable him by putting his fatty needs before their own.
3. The whole fcuking state of Ohio is voting for him
4. He appeals to homies and wiggers world-wide.
5. His whole correctional facility is voting for him. Given the prison capacity problems in the United States, I would put that number in the thousands. Other correctional facilities are probably following suit (he's the poster child for correctional facilities).
6. He appeals to that "suburban-yet-wanna-be-urban" cross section of the population.
7. He has the backing of all US pharmaceutical and medical device manufacturers. Scott could very well be the poster child for all diseases associated with morbid obesity.
8. He has the support of all sausage-producing communities everywhere (word on the street is that Bob Evans is soliciting him to be their spokesperson --- think "sausage gravy"... see below graphic:)

That's all I can think of for now, but I encourage you to add your own comments!

Investigative Reports: Scott Savol

Ok ok ok... no news to you all that Scott Savol (potentially our next American Idol) is a wife-beater. Actually let me take that back: I wouldn't give him the title of "wife beater" since that implies that he was actually married. No, his child is a bastard, and the mother is an enabler. Though, credit to her for not taking advantage of this situation by going on the new Current Affair (though I wish she would since all-things-Scott are trashy).




"I'd like to have a Value Meal #3. Super-size? Yes, of course.And can I substitute my drink with a Vanilla Milkshake?" (note: extended pointed sausage-like digit)


As much as I love SmokingGun, the expose on Scott left me wanting to know more. So what did I do? I joined the Scott Savol Fan Club Yahoo!Group. Serrusly... you guys need to check out the messages on this group site because there is definitely a strong contingent of Scott supporters out there who LOVE this boy. Here is but a sample for your edification (and I am NOT making this up):

Chrissy Kelly-Corne wrote:
I wish I could talk to him! He seems so sweet, I just want to squeeze him. He seems like somebody I would be friends with. You are so lucky to get to talk to him! Do you know if he has an e-mail where we can send him messages? He probably want's to keep that private though, I guess. I know I would. But still, though, to get to talk to him in person! I bet he was so nice. It's actually kind of funny, he looks JUST like my husband, I tease him about that all the time and call him Scott. :)

That disturbs me. A lot. I have a feeling that Chrissy's nickname in high school (that's the highest level of her education, if not a GED) was either Dumptruck Mary or Large Marge (you get bonus points if you remember what movies those nicknames are from...) . And I'm really sure that her husband likes being nick-named after that fat-fcuk.

Here's another from someone claiming to be a from the "industry" giving tips:

----- Original Message -----
From: Michael Ortega
To: Scott_Savol@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Friday, April 08, 2005 8:18 PM
Subject: Re: [Scott_Savol] scott

Steph,
At this point Scott is a winner even if he does not win A.I. because he will have a record deal from some label and have a chance to release a CD.All we need to do now is support him on the show and support him with buying his CD when it comes out.I just hope he takes my advice and focus on great songs and learning to song write.The long time career money in music is what is known as Publishing. Tell him to study copyright law and become a Writer and Publisher with one of the performing rights groups like BMI or ASCAP.When he is both a writer and publisher then he will be able to collect all the money made from his songs when they are "On the Air" and on TV.He will also be in a great position to manage his songwriting so that long after his singing career fades (Let's pray it is a lifetime)His kids will also be able to benefit from his creativity.His voice is a talent as well as his spirit. It is up to him to learn about this business and to be wise and knowing.

Michael Ortega
ASAP records

Michael: I've never fcuking heard of you. Did you order the "musicmaker toolkit" from Amazon? Does ASAP Records represent all of the AI "leftovers"?

Anyhow, I could go ad nauseum with these messages, but its best to leave it to you to browse the group.

More 411 on Scott Savol...

So I tried to dig up more dirt on the Pillsbury Doughboy. Where do I go first? Google (it was kinda useless bc all I got was stuff on his arrest). Where do I go second? http://www.411.com You'd be quite amazed at how easy it is to find out crap about people on there. Knowing that Fat-Fcuk is from Cleveland, I did a search for him, but to no avail. There are lots of "S. Savol"s, but none of them are him . And here I was hoping to send him a sample pack of Lipitor bc his cholesterol level must be off the charts. I'm sure that his arteries probably channel more grease and fat through it than the deep fryer at your local McDonalds.

Oh, another Scott-fact: he apparently works at a Correctional Facility. I'll let you know once I find out which one.

Here's a pic of Tubby and, what I think is, his twin (?) brother, Mike. I stole this off of the yahoo group. The picture is kinda small. I'm assuming that they are twins based on the fact that they resemble one another. If they aren't twins, then this is truly validation that morbid obesity is a genetic trait.

New Look and Feel to the Site

Hey Buoys and Gulls,

Don't worry, you're still at the YodaBeesh site. Having self-diagnosed myself with attention deficit disorder, I needed a change. I'd hope that having a dark font on a white background would be much easier on the eyes.

I took the day off from posting yesterday bc it was SUCH a beautiful day and hung out with fellow Jedi Knights in DC who kindly provided me with some great feedback and ideas for the blog. So WATCH OUT!

Lots of ideas running around in YodaBeesh's head, so now I need to focus and get this all down electronically before I forget!

TTYL
YB