Dear YodaBeesh: I Have Hookers in my Alley

A gentle reader/city-dweller has come to YodaBeesh with the following predicament involving whores. Read on:

I was just reading your blog entries and saw the RB issues with dogs on his lawn. Well, I have my own little urban dilemma that I need help with.

So, I'm still having a little difficulty getting to sleep with the jet lag and everything, and it's about 2:30 in the morning. I'm on my computer and hear a car pull into the parking spot for our unit. We sold the jeep to our neighbors so I run downstairs and look through the window to see if they were just parking in the spot out of convenience. Nope. It's a prostitute and her customer. The neighbor that I sold the jeep to is actually in the process of moving and so was taking stuff out to her car; I stopped and talked to her. We both called 311. 15 minutes later the cruiser came by, but of course the car was gone 2 minutes earlier. 30 minutes later another car comes up, parks in the middle of the alley, and a woman gets out, who is obviously a hooker, does some stretches gets back in the car and leaves.

Not an hour later another car shows up. My neighbor is still in the middle of loading her car and I run out there to see another car with BJ in full action. Called 311 again, but in 2 minutes they were gone. This time I pull the garbage cans into the parking spot. Ten minutes later a car shows up again and parks just down the alley. I don't even bother calling the cops, since I can't really tell what's going on, and at this point it's not on my property. A few minutes later I hear another car pull up so I go look out the window and there are two squad cars there and they have the hooker and the guy against the car. I had to run down and get my neighbor, so we went into the back yard and watched. They let both of them go. As the hooker walks by we recognize her as the woman who had done the stretches earlier in the evening, and she's pregnant. My neighbor tells me that not only did they find all these condoms but on several occasions when walking their dog they've found hookers getting dressed in the corner of the alley.

I knew this was going on but had no idea how busy this alley was. Just to think, if it hadn't been for jet lag I would have missed out on all of this. So the question it raises for me, is am I being a strong defender of my community or just a neighborhood gossip?

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Wow, JCT, it really does sound like quite a predicament.

To answer your question, NO, you are NOT a gossip by any means (that's my job). I'm sure that once upon a time, well before the gentrification, and before the massive influx of the urban poor (so probably sometime before the Great Depression or WW I), your neighborhood was a crown jewel of the city. Now your alley should be named "Dump and Run".

Kudos to you for being vigilant and taking back the streets! Its a shame that you can't bear firearms in Washington DC. Clearly, this is a threat to your home and your cats. We're luckier here in Virginia and don't have any prostitution issues in my neighborhood.


See my posting below re. the dog poo situation of another city-dweller. I woulda taken the hose to the pregnant bitch and made her go into labor. I suppose that a .44 pointed at her from 50 feet away would probably have a similar effect. Now that would be a lesson learned.

At the end of the day, the key is to train the hookers that having alley sex is a bad thing. Guns and hoses are good for reinforcing that message through your standard Pavlovian response.

Keep up the great work busting the sex rings! Glad to hear that you had a great time on your trip!