Day 16 - Halfway There?
Here I sit, in a Gloria Jeans Coffee House in Robinsons Center Mall back in MNL. I like this coffeeshop in particular bc there is a glassed-off private smoking room and there is wireless internet. Back to civilization (CC wasn't so bad.)
Another good day today. Jojo, Tess, Jomar (our child-tag-along), and I left CC for MNL to see mom and return me to my hotel. The ride was lovely as ever. A single paved concrete road cut through the rice fields, towns, and barrios. We had to take a detour at one point because the road was flooded by the adjacent rice field (did I mention it was rainy season?) Jojo is a good driver; he expertly swerved past potholes, passed jeepneys, tricycles, trucks, buses, water buffalo, navigated the roadways and highway... We arrived at the hospital in expected time: 4 hours to travel 60 miles.
I was in somewhat of a rush: it was noon, visiting hours were up at 13:00, and Dr. R's hours were until 13:30. A little bit of a crunch but not a problem. The traffic leading up to the hospital was bumper to bumper, and with onlly one block to go, I told Tess that we should get out and walk the rest of the way. Agreed.
From outside the locked double door, I rang the bell. I could hear a male patient screaming at the top of his lungs. Great way to break in Tess as the new official "caregiver." The nurse let us into the ward, and I could see mom across the room. She could see me. We made eye contact and she waved us over to her table.
We embraced and had a seat at the table as the other patients ate lunch. The conversation was quick. I wanted to touch base with her so I could still catch Dr. R. I quickly briefed her on my trip to CC and told her about Dr. B, a new psychiatrist who agreed to treat her in CC. She was very agreeable to switching doctors.
She had this sadness in her eyes. I could really tell that she wanted to go home. I could tell that she didn't like being in the Community Center at UST. This was now well into Week 6 of her treatment. (In retrospect, I can't believe that she spent 4 months in the hospital last year.) I could tell that she looked to me to get her out of there. I really want to get her discharged, but only when the doctor gave the ok. I just haven't had that conversation yet... it would take place next.
I told her that I would meet with Dr. R after our visit and talk to him abt a discharge time. She asked that we go talk to him now. This wasn't like the last time when she kicked me out of the ward. She really wanted to speed up the discharge process and she knew that each minute spent in the ward was one less minute with Dr. R.
Ok. Tess and I got up to leave; mom escorted us to the doors. I looked at her and gave her a hug of reassurance.
I'd rescue her. I'd save her. Don't worry. I'll take care of things.
My last words to her were, "if I don't see you again today, I'll be back tomorrow..."
"Ok."
So weird. So much emoting going on... but it was all unspoken. That's just the way that it is between us, but its ok. Even at this moment, it pains me to remember that look of sadness and desperation in her eyes. But you know, its a good thing. In the past, she was a zombie with no emotive expression, no affect. Now, I felt something. Sadness, anger, happiness, joy, anything... if she exhibited some kind of affect, then this is progress.
Tess and I met with Dr. R. I really want Tess to become an active "case manager" and be involved as much as possible with mom's care. We had a great meeting, and Dr. R agreed that mom was ready to be discharged. We decided upon Saturday. Jojo and Tess would return to MNL on Saturday to bring us home to Cabanatuan. At least this would give the rest of the family the next few days to prepare (mentally and uh, domestically - clean her room) for mom's arrival.
Long story short, I returned to my hotel room and just "deflated". This seems to be a recurring feeling... relief. I do realize that this is just another beginning of more to come.
I'll spend the next couple of days visiting with mom and "conditioning" her... mentally prepare for what's in store in Cabanatuan, what's expected (don't want to put any stress or pressure on her though), and just continue to build trust.
I was right... I am going back to Cabanatuan...
Another good day today. Jojo, Tess, Jomar (our child-tag-along), and I left CC for MNL to see mom and return me to my hotel. The ride was lovely as ever. A single paved concrete road cut through the rice fields, towns, and barrios. We had to take a detour at one point because the road was flooded by the adjacent rice field (did I mention it was rainy season?) Jojo is a good driver; he expertly swerved past potholes, passed jeepneys, tricycles, trucks, buses, water buffalo, navigated the roadways and highway... We arrived at the hospital in expected time: 4 hours to travel 60 miles.
I was in somewhat of a rush: it was noon, visiting hours were up at 13:00, and Dr. R's hours were until 13:30. A little bit of a crunch but not a problem. The traffic leading up to the hospital was bumper to bumper, and with onlly one block to go, I told Tess that we should get out and walk the rest of the way. Agreed.
From outside the locked double door, I rang the bell. I could hear a male patient screaming at the top of his lungs. Great way to break in Tess as the new official "caregiver." The nurse let us into the ward, and I could see mom across the room. She could see me. We made eye contact and she waved us over to her table.
We embraced and had a seat at the table as the other patients ate lunch. The conversation was quick. I wanted to touch base with her so I could still catch Dr. R. I quickly briefed her on my trip to CC and told her about Dr. B, a new psychiatrist who agreed to treat her in CC. She was very agreeable to switching doctors.
She had this sadness in her eyes. I could really tell that she wanted to go home. I could tell that she didn't like being in the Community Center at UST. This was now well into Week 6 of her treatment. (In retrospect, I can't believe that she spent 4 months in the hospital last year.) I could tell that she looked to me to get her out of there. I really want to get her discharged, but only when the doctor gave the ok. I just haven't had that conversation yet... it would take place next.
I told her that I would meet with Dr. R after our visit and talk to him abt a discharge time. She asked that we go talk to him now. This wasn't like the last time when she kicked me out of the ward. She really wanted to speed up the discharge process and she knew that each minute spent in the ward was one less minute with Dr. R.
Ok. Tess and I got up to leave; mom escorted us to the doors. I looked at her and gave her a hug of reassurance.
I'd rescue her. I'd save her. Don't worry. I'll take care of things.
My last words to her were, "if I don't see you again today, I'll be back tomorrow..."
"Ok."
So weird. So much emoting going on... but it was all unspoken. That's just the way that it is between us, but its ok. Even at this moment, it pains me to remember that look of sadness and desperation in her eyes. But you know, its a good thing. In the past, she was a zombie with no emotive expression, no affect. Now, I felt something. Sadness, anger, happiness, joy, anything... if she exhibited some kind of affect, then this is progress.
Tess and I met with Dr. R. I really want Tess to become an active "case manager" and be involved as much as possible with mom's care. We had a great meeting, and Dr. R agreed that mom was ready to be discharged. We decided upon Saturday. Jojo and Tess would return to MNL on Saturday to bring us home to Cabanatuan. At least this would give the rest of the family the next few days to prepare (mentally and uh, domestically - clean her room) for mom's arrival.
Long story short, I returned to my hotel room and just "deflated". This seems to be a recurring feeling... relief. I do realize that this is just another beginning of more to come.
I'll spend the next couple of days visiting with mom and "conditioning" her... mentally prepare for what's in store in Cabanatuan, what's expected (don't want to put any stress or pressure on her though), and just continue to build trust.
I was right... I am going back to Cabanatuan...
posted by YodaBeesh at
6:10 AM
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