Day 27 - Saying Goodbye (for now)

I had a hard time sleeping the night before I'd leave CC. Part of it was excitement of getting out of CC and NE. I was bored, grossed out by the tricycles, and had finished all my books. Mom was back in her routine, and I felt that things would be alright.

During random periods throughout the day, I would pop in to her room to chat. I asked if she had a copy of her birth certificate... you know, just lying around. Filipinos tend to have these things. I qualified for dual citizenship and needed to gather the paperwork together. She didn't have this info on her, but it turned into quite a segway topic.

"Do you want to live here?," she asked.

"Do you want me to live here?"

"That would be ok."

I smiled empathetically. "My life and my home are in the US. I'll come back next year. I'll try for January. I promise."

"You'll move here in January?"

"I can't move here, but I promise to see you more often. I want to come back in January."

"How about all of my medications, the injections, and appointments?"

"You'll be fine. Tess has everything that you need. I need you to work with her. I need you to take your medicine and to take better care of yourself. I promise I will come back."

"Ok."

My heart really went out to her. It was new territory for her; she emoted to me that she missed me and that she needed me there. She acknowledged that I took good care of her and that she appreciated everything. I had made some difference in the time that I'd been in the Philippines. This was an enormous hurdle. She vocalized and reached out to me. She had never done that with anyone before... as long as I remembered since I was a kid. To her, everything was always "fine" or "ok" when it really wasn't. Amazing that I was able to break through this and reach a new level in our relationship. Something that I had always wanted.

I would get up very early in the morning, 5am. "Will you be awake to see me off?"

"Yes, sure."

The following morning was a blur. It all happened very quickly. I had already packed, but needed to make sure that I didn't forget any random items. (I'm typically very bad about that. Denny takes very good care of me when we travel.) I couldn't sleep as I was anxious to leave CC, but also to have some magical departing words for mom.

My aunts and I had our breakfast as the rest of the house slept. Gradually, you'd hear movement... the kids waking up. Ate Claring and Lola waking up. Before I knew it, my aunts and I were showered and ready, and the car idled in the driveway.

I woke up mom. "I'm leaving in a bit."

"When?"

"In about 10 minutes."

"Did you ask your Auntie Adel...?" She started rambling, still groggy from her sleep, but probably also delusional. I could piece together what she asked. She wanted me to ask me aunt for money; mom's way of a goodbye present.

"Yes. Everything is ok."

"Ok, I'll be up in a bit."

She got herself together, and minutes later, I was ready for the big goodbye.

In her room, we stood, hugged, and embraced.

"Ok, have a good trip."

I wasn't going to leave it at just that. I looked her in the eyes. "I always want you to remember that I love you. I am always here for you. You never have to feel lonely. If you feel lonely, I want you to call me. Can you do that?"

She started tearing up. Wow. Since I was a child, I had never seen her cry. Wow. She smiled. I think that she really took this message to heart.

I had one more request. "Can you write to me? When I was growing up, you always used to write to me, and I miss getting your letters."

"Sure. Ok." More tears and smiling.

One more big hug and kiss, and then I was off for Manila with my aunts.
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The morning (and really the entire day) turned into a blur. My aunts wanted to go to MNL to go shopping and brought two of my little nieces/cousins (I can't keep track of this distant family line.)

We stopped by my cousin Hamid's condo in MNL. My aunts wanted me to meet him before I left. At least for a little bit.

This is the Iranian-Filipino cousin I had mentioned many blog entries ago. Before, I felt somewhat conflicted about meeting with him. I feared that he'd programatically dislike me; isn't that what Iranians and Americans do? Dislike each other?

That was such a stupid notion.

I enjoyed meeting him for the brief time that I did. He's young; 22 and in dental school in Manila. His mom (my first-cousin) had married an Iranian while she was in medical school and subsequently moved to Tehran.

Hamid is quite funny. He didn't strike me at all as "Iranian"... weird to say, I know. He seemed just like another euro-western-modern kind of guy just trying to get by in dental school. Honestly, I even thought that he had somewhat of a German accent as he switched between Persian to Tagalog to English. And he's always smiling. I hope we stay in touch.

Fuck the State Department.