Sausage Boy Wins Hearts of Americans Everywhere!!
Looks like Scott "Sausage-fingers" Savol has miraculously survived another week on American Idol despite this past week's revelations by our friends at The Smoking Gun regarding his chick-beating past.
I have a couple of theories behind this:
- He has rallied the support of morbidly obese and overweight Americans everywhere. You figure that approximately 30% of Americans are overweight and about 5% are considered "morbidly obese" (I think that Scott qualifies for the latter category). Essentially, millions of Americans may identify and empathize with his fatness. They need a new spokesperson since Fergie and Fat Actress, Kirstie Alley, aren't cutting it. Think of all the commercial endorsements that the Stay-Puft Boy will get!
- Scott has the support of battered women everywhere (I'd dig up statistics on this, but I'm too lazy and overweight to muster the energy). These are the women who frequently say, "he hits me because he loves me and I deserve it" and then actively text message their vote to AI.
- His "homies" are extorting votes from their public housing project.
- His hometown news team is obviously RALLYING for him because that's what they always do...
Those are the top theories I could think of right now. I hope that he and Carrie Underwood aren't getting it on behind-the-scenes. That's just a very nasty visual, but I can see her being one of those girls who like guys that are bad for her.
Speaking of hometown news, my peeps in Philly (Yodabeesh beats chest with fist) are "keepin' it REAL"... love the straight up commentary. Check it out at PhillyBurbs.
A Message from Scott: "I BEAT THE RAP, YO! Now I beat-cho ASS! I'z be the next American Idol... and after this, I'm gonna finish off my baby's momma!!"
(Scott gasps for a breath. His breathing becomes belabored and beads of sweat form on his brow. His raised pointed sausage-like digit slowly falls to his side with the slow grace of an orka whale.)
One last note: If you poke Scott with a fork, will he bleed sausage gravy?
posted by YodaBeesh at
7:07 AM
3 Comments:
I agree with you that the obese vote is significant. Think of all the white trash (i.e. same heartland retards) who voted for Bush. They're now voting for Scott.
By
Anonymous, at Thursday, April 07, 2005 10:04:00 AM
If you got rid of his SeanJohn and Timberlands outfit, then put him in overalls and a flannel, have him chewing Skoal (spit-cup in hand), and then put a pitchfork (a la hay-bailing) in the other hand, he'd definitely pass for "Poster Boy for the Red States." Its a shame that he cannot wear hand jewelry. It would probably cut off the circulation to his fingers. His hands probably disgust me the most. Definitely the hands.
By
YodaBeesh, at Thursday, April 07, 2005 11:19:00 AM
He is repulsive. I hate him so much. He is ruining the show.
By
Anonymous, at Sunday, April 10, 2005 9:04:00 AM
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